How To Drive In Phoenix

[Yamaki]

HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS!

There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking Moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway.

Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated!"

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands before you grab the steering wheel.

Welcome to Fee-Nicks!

[Masterlu]

Hilarious

[edkoz]

The wife and I spent some time in Phoenix last sept. I had to laugh about your observations about driving in the area !!!! Oh so true
Ed

[Still-One]

Originally Posted by Yamaki

HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS!

There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking Moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway.

Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated!"

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands before you grab the steering wheel.

Welcome to Fee-Nicks!

You could replace Fee-Nicks with with Dee-Troit but you would need to add:
-Motorcycles should never try and approach traffic lights by driving between stopped vehicles. You will be treated like a pin-ball for sport.

[tima]

I lived in Phoenix, Tempe and Scottsdale for a few years back in the 1970s.

Back then the #1 rule for driving was to stay out of the low areas when it rained.

[Yamaki]

Originally Posted by tima

I lived in Phoenix, Tempe and Scottsdale for a few years back in the 1970s.

Back then the #1 rule for driving was to stay out of the low areas when it rained.

That's still a good rule today. Too many people try to cross low areas during the monsoon season and get stranded, their vehicles get washed away and there are times the people don't survive. Chalk it up to Darwin's Theory I suppose.

[JoeN]

[clpetersen]

Excellent!!




Around here, even the highway traffic signs give basic driving instructions.