Morning Smile

[PHC1]

https://youtu.be/_j0KhXH6xLE

[Antonmb]

Originally Posted by bart

+2

+3

[James Tanner - Bryston]

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place...
First guy, "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy, "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy, "Man, you both have it easy!
I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word!
So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend.
What's the deal?"
Fourth guy, "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or sex," and she said, wear sun-block!

[Cohibaman]

Jesus is walking through Jerusalem and he stumbles upon a stoning. The crowd is throwing stones at Mary Magdalene. He quickly stands between the crowd and Mary and yells out to the crowd, “let he who hasn’t sinned cast the first stone!”

Just then a little woman grabs a rock & throws it about 90 miles an hour and hits Mary square in the face. Mary goes down with a thud.

Jesus looks at the crowd, spots the woman and says, “Mom! Sometimes you just piss me off!!!”

[CDG]

[James Tanner - Bryston]

Subject: Ukrainian fire truck..

One dark night outside a small town in Alberta, a fire started inside the local sausage plant

and, in the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved and I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact.'

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments from surrounding towns had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From a distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Vegreville rural township volunteer fire department composed mainly of Ukrainians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Ukrainians, passed all the newer sleek engines parked outside the plant and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Ukrainian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Vegreville old-timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, elderly Ukrainian firefighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on film asking, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'

'Vell,' said Nick Kovalchuk, the 70-year-old fire chief,

'.....da furst ting vee gonna do is fix da brakes on dat f.....ing truck.'

[James Tanner - Bryston]

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
Take your smile into the whole day and continue to be safe! ☺️

[PHC1]

[bart]

Originally Posted by PHC1

and recognisable.

[James Tanner - Bryston]

http://www.youtube.com/embed/Pwghabw4N80?rel=0